Bursting at the Seams

He's Here!

Hugh William Meyer Van Wagenen

3 lbs 7oz. 17 in.

2.17.2010. 4:22 am

{getting a suntan under the bili lights}

{he has the sweetest little hands}

{breathing with the help of the ventilator}

{only the beginning of all the tubes and wires connected to our little man}

I'm not sure if I can even begin to articulate my feelings, thoughts, and emotions right now. But I am going to try. The past two days have been quite the whirlwind. It all began late Tuesday night. We just got home from dinner celebrating my sweet mom's birthday. I was feeling a little sore and uncomfortable as I put my Ruby down for the night. Hugh and I crawled into bed and I started having some painful contractions. At first, I kept telling myself it was probably just indigestion or a strained muscle leftover from my previous night shift at work. I got up twice to settle Ruby, who kept waking up, and each time the pain seemed a little worse. By 11:00 pm I started to become more concerned, but kept telling myself I couldn't be in labor. It was then 1:00 am, and I woke Hugh up and told him we needed to go to the hospital because I was having contractions that were getting more painful and more frequent. I was scared out of my mind and quite emotional. Hugh was my strength {and continues to be} as we rushed to leave. After settling Ruby with my dad, we rushed to IMC thinking they would stop the contractions, put me on bed rest, and give me medication to keep Hughie from coming too early. We were so naive. They did stop the contractions, but when they checked me I was already dilated to a four. Our little man was coming! Hughie was still breech, so a regular delivery was not an option. When the resident said the word c-section, my heart just about stopped--having a c-section is one of my worst fears!! The thought of being awake while being cut open really freaked me out!! But there was no turning back, and within a half hour Dr. Terry was at the hospital ready to bring Hughie safely into the world. As scared as I was, I realized the only choice I had was to be as brave as I could for my little Hughie. Motherhood really has a special power, which enables women to overcome. The c-section was not nearly as bad as I had imagined, and I am truly grateful to be in the hands of such competent and caring doctors and nurses.

After hearing the smallest little cry, Hughie was wisked away to the NICU. Hugh was able to get a few seconds of video footage of Hughie as they passed him through the window from the delivery room to the NICU. It would be a little while before Hugh could go and see our little guy. Hughie was quickly intubated due to his immature lungs, {they were only able to get one shot of steriods in me before he was born, two doses over 48 hours is optimal} and on a ventilator. He has an IV like line in his umbilical vein, a peripheral IV, a feeding tube, and yesterday they started an arterial line to closely monitor his blood pressure. He is receiving all his nutrition from IV fluids and so far hasn't been fed anything through his feeding tube. I have been pumping to have milk ready for him when he's ready. Our little man has a long road ahead...it looks like his heart has some complications, his small chin may cause him some eating and breathing problems, the back of his skull may have fused together prematurely. He also has some interesting facial features...low set ears, funny shaped head, and his neck is short. But he seriously is the sweetest little guy. So pure, innocent, and special. We love him immensely.

Yesterday evening they transported him to Primary Children's Medical Center so he could be closer to different specialists. All my emotions and fears climaxed as I watched the life flight team take my little man. This was really happening, no turning back. I am so scared. But I know my motherly instinct to survive and overcome will kick in. Along with power from above. They will do further genetic testing up there along with consultations with cardiology for his heart and plastic surgery and ENT for his small chin. There were a few scares with him during transport when his blood pressure bottomed out, but he arrived safely and they were able to stabilize him after giving him an emergency blood transfusion. Hugh spent the night up there with him. I won't be discharged until Saturday morning, and then up to Primary's I will go...not sure how long Hughie will be there. Probably a good while.

I just talked to Hugh, and Hughie has a good night up at Primary's. Hugh told Hughie hi from me and that I love him very much, and Hugh said Hughie gave a little wave of his hand. Keep fighting my little man. I already miss having you with me all the time, no more kicks and jabs from within. I wasn't quite ready for you to leave my womb, but I am thrilled to finally meet you and bask in your spirit. I look forward to holding you and showering you with kisses.

It is hard to believe this all happened in two days. It is crazy to think how quickly life can change...and it will never be the same. Although difficult and trying, all for the better. We can't progress and improve unless we are sometimes pushed to our limits. I hope I am up for the challenge.

{Ruby is doing well...enjoying time with grandmas, aunts, and cousins! I'm not sure when she will get to meet her brother. To top off a difficult week, it has been hard being away from my little Roo. I miss her. I just want to pick her up and cuddle her too. I am glad she has so much love surrounding her while I can't be with her.Thanks to everyone. I love you so much Ruby...congratulations on being a big sister!}