In love.

With our little babe...babe #3. This will be the name of our newest addition until we get to meet him/her in August. Today was our 20 week ultrasound, so we got a sneak peak. Everything went well, and no red flags stood out to the tech. I feel very relieved, happy, and grateful. My heart has been full all afternoon. The suspense of the ultrasound was in the health and growth of our babe, so finding out the gender really was irrelevant...and Hugh and I are excited for the surprise come August. Babe #3 was kicking and grooving and stretched across my belly with its little bottom poking out and its feet tucked underneath (right above my bladder...explaining my frequent trips to the bathroom). Tonight when I showed Ruby one of the pictures the tech printed for us, she excitedly asked if we should put it in her room. She quickly raced into her room and I helped her put it on her shelf next to hers and Hughie's framed ultrasound pictures. She was pleased. I really think she is going to be a great big sister. I learned this with Hughie and I'm learning it all over again...love for your children only multiplies with each one, never divided between them.

the babe's little body all curled up in the womb

and a darling little foot

Tonight, in the midst of my excitement about this new little babe, my heart does ache a bit for our sweet Hughie. The ultrasound today was so different than Hughie's and looking back I realize just how concerned the tech was about Hughie from the start...the feeling in the room was like night and day. But as imperfect as Hughie may have seemed at his 20 week ultrasound, he really is more perfect than I could ever hope to be. And although our journey with Hughie was difficult and tumultuous, I'm not sure I would want to give it all back. Sure I wish everyday that I could just hold my little man, but tonight, as I looked at the ultrasound pics of my three precious children, I really felt so blessed. I'm grateful to a loving Heavenly Father for these blessings, and the bitter and sweet lessons that are learned from being a mother.

Saw this in the paper.

And I laughed. Then I was a little sad and discouraged, because this is true. Oil is the key player in all of the U.S.'s interests in the Middle East. And as much as I'd like to think that human rights, democracy, and other noble endeavors were top priority to our government...they just aren't. But maybe the government isn't all to blame. How dependent am I on oil? Very. I use it everyday, and not just to drive my car or heat my house. What about the amount of disposable diapers my household goes through (which will double come August) or all the chapsticks and lotions we use? (all contain petroleum) The list could go on. It really makes me think about ways I could cut back. But the sad reality is, I think about it for a week or so while it is fresh in my mind...and then all too quickly I become a mindless consumer, forgetting about my impact on the earth. A step at a time, I guess.

Going to a Jazz Game

With two of her best buddies (three including "butka" scott)

**As you can see, Ruby is still in denial that Deron is gone. Wear it with pride, girl :)

**And how could we forget...GO BYU!

Happy Birthday, McCall!

{and for all the family birthday posts I missed..sorry, I just happen to be on the ball today}

{this pic describes Ruby and McCall perfectly...always teasing each other}

I'm so grateful for McCall and the wonderful addition she is to our family. Our little sisterhood would not be the same without her. I remember my dad picking Mal and I up for school the day McCall was born. We were so excited to find out if she was a girl or boy. As most people know, at first we were a bit bummed she was a girl (we were hoping for a baby brother), but it just took us seeing and holding her and then we were in love. Mal and I were so excited to have someone to love and mother. McCall really has become the glue in our family...always the peacemaker. The funny thing is, when I think of one of my sisters...I can't help but think about the other. I really am so grateful for both of them. I have never wanted to replace either one with a brother. It's perfect just, us three girls.

Happy Birthday, Call. You really are my wing-man...not sure if I would survive without. Can't believe you are 18!!

What you looking at?

Mid-dinner Ruby says, "Look Dad!" and when Hugh looks Ruby is making her scary monster face.

Which then proceeded to this face.

Enjoying some spaghetti

Then on to the good stuff...pink ice cream. Her own teeny Hagaan-Daaz tub.

These pics are from our little St. George get-away over President's Day weekend. We picked a bad week weather wise. Overcast, rainy, and even some snow. So as you can see, we ate, watched movies, and did manage to venture out to the indoor pool. Ruby loved the slide and couldn't get enough of it. On the one nice day, we walked down to our favorite little vintage candy shop and bought a soda and some candy. Then stopped at the park to toss the frisbee. Ruby loved chasing after the frisbee. Despite the weather...it was the perfect family weekend. Just the three of us enjoying each other. Thanks Grandma Meyer for letting us stay in your place.

Kicks.

These are the lovelies that Ruby picked out when my awesome mom took us all sandal shopping to usher in SPRING. Although these jellies are pretty cute on Ruby's feet, they are not what we all had picked out for her. We wanted her to choose some darling keens or a cute pair of salt water sandals. Ruby would have none of it...she wanted these. And of course, because it was grandma's treat...Ruby got her way :). And let's just say Ruby was pleased. She also loved trying on all the women's shoes on display. Shoe choices aside, it was a perfect Saturday, spent eating, chatting, and shopping with my mom and sisters. As we got ready to leave the mall, I was a bit bummed...I really didn't want the day to end. Thanks mom, for treating us! You really are the best!

And speaking of kicks...little babe has been up to it's own kicking...the kind that I can feel, and quite often! This is my favorite part of being pregnant...feeling the new life inside of me. I often look forward to crawling into bed at night just so I can be still and feel my sweet little babe. Our ultrasound is on the 29th...I'm excited and nervous. I hope it comes quick.

March 14, 2010. We said goodbye to our little Hughie.

I miss Hughie everyday. I think about that last evening, alone with him and Hugh often....and yet, haven’t been able to write about this sacred experience. I do remember holding Hughie in my arms for as long as I wanted. He felt so good in my arms and I wanted time to stand still so I could stay in that moment forever. I also remember the moment Hugh and I looked at one another, both of us knowing, it was time to let go. Hugh and I sang some hymns as we spent our last hours with Hughie. I remember looking out the hospital window at the fast approaching evening sky....feeling a sense of peace with Hughie in my arms and Hugh’s arm around me. I received confirmation that night that we are indeed an eternal family. “Abide with Me; ‘Tis Eventide” was one of the songs we sang, and when I reflect on that Sunday evening in March, the words to this song describe perfectly, better than I could ever author, how I felt that evening...preparing to say goodbye.

Abide with me; ‘tis eventide. The day is past and gone;

The Shadows of the evening fall; The night is coming on.

Within my heart a welcome guest, Within my home abide.

Abide with me; ‘tis eventide. Thy walk today with me

Has made my heart within me burn, As I communed with thee.

Thy ernest words have filled my soul, And kept me near thy side

Abide with me; ‘tis eventide, And lone will be the night

If I cannot commune with thee, Nor find in thee my light.

The darkness of the world, I fear, Would in my home abide.

O Savior, stay this night with me; behold, ‘tis eventide.
O savior, stay this night with me; Behold, ‘tis eventide.

I am forever indebted to my sweet Hughie for bringing me closer to the Savior. For helping me better understand what the Plan of Salvation means for me and my family. Without the Savior, the tides of life are too much to take on. Hughie is alive. He is alive in my memories of him, alive in our family’s daily prayers and conversation, and he is “alive in Christ”....just as we all are.

“For, for this end was the law given; wherefore the law hath become dead unto us, and we are made alive in Christ because of our faith...” 2 Nephi 25:25

“For behold that all little children are alive in Christ...” Moroni 8:22

(I wrote this for the VW Sometimes last year. It's a family newsletter the Van Wagenen family puts together; sporadically, hence the name.)

Drinks with friends.

Last night Ruby helped me unload the dishwasher. After she did her usual job of putting the silverware away, she wanted me to get her on the counter so she could get "her cups" out. I obliged because I needed some more time to get the dishwasher done. Well, before I know it she has all the my dad's plastic cups out and is naming all her friends that are coming over to use the cups (most of the friends being her cousins). She then proceeded to instruct me in filling up every glass with some water. Once again, I obliged. And then for quality control she tasted the water in several different cups. Only the best for Ruby's friends, I guess. So if you are thirsty...come on over!

I really wouldn't consider myself a stylish blogger. Especially when there are so many bloggers out there with riduculous style. But, cute Rachel Cowen has bestowed my blog with this stylish blogger award. You have to check out her blog, A Touch of Rae, and see her great style, read about her adventures in motherhood, and enjoy her ever expanding photography portfolio. I'm mostly honored by this because for awhile now my sister and I love going to Rachel's blog and often comment how darling she is. She is so down-to-earth and real. Her kiddos are pretty cute too. Thanks Rachel!

Here are those rules of the award:

1. Link back and thank the fabulous person who bestowed the amazing award on you

2. Share 7 things about yourself

3. Award 7 other deserving and great bloggers

4. Contact the awarded bloggers to let them know of their award!

Here you go...7 things about Me.

1. I like to laugh. I remember sitting in my Old Acadamy apartment in Provo, it was one of the first times Hugh and I hung out one-on-one, and I think I pretty much just laughed the entire time. Mostly because Hugh was funny, and partly because I was nervous and didn't know what else to do. Laughing is my own sort of defense mechanism. Lately, I love laying in bed, laughing with Hugh, as we watch "Modern Family" episodes on his laptop.

2. I have been pregnant for the past three years. Ruby 2008. Hughie 2009-2010. Babe #3 2010-2011. But to be honest, get me through the first three months, and I quite enjoy being pregnant. It is pretty special to know that I am growing a life inside of me. Although, my body is feeling it more the third time around.

3. I love mexican food and could eat it everyday (I haven't ever actually tried this, so maybe I couldn't). Tacos are a weekly staple at our house, and guacamole is a must! I also love avocados and when I was pregnant with Ruby, that was my major craving.

4. I had to apply twice to get into nursing school at BYU. At the time it seemed so tragic, but in the end, it was worth it. My nursing career has been good to me and our family (all three years of it). Not to mention, being a pediatric nurse helped me cope better with having my baby in the NICU.

5. I'm a short hair kind of girl. It's so easy and low-maintenance. And I'm grateful that Hugh doesn't put up a fight about me cutting it all the time :)

6. Since reading Greg Mortenson's "Three Cups of Tea" I often fantasize about doing something spectacular to change the world. After thinking and thinking, with no great ideas, I begin telling myself that being a good mom may just be my best bet (this will take my entire lifetime to accomplish, I'm pretty sure). Then maybe my kids will do something great? If you haven't read his books...you should. (I just started his second book, "Stones into Schools")

7. Lately, I love making cinnamon rolls. A few months back I told Hugh I wanted to learn how to make homemade cinnamon rolls. And would you believe it, last month our Relief Society activity was learning to make cinnamon rolls. I have now made three successful batches. I may just start taking orders.

And my 7 awards go to, in no particular order...(some of these people probably don't know I or my blog exist)

The Magelby's

Maxfield's in Metropolis

Kim Christensen

The Giauques

The McKinley's

The Bateman Buzz

Amy Fursteneau: Everything I Love

I turned 27!

And I'm so grateful for all that I have. Especially these two and my wonderful family and friends who made my day (and weekend) wonderful! Dinner with my mom and sisters on Friday, breakfast with Anjuli, trying on clothes at J.Crew with Ruby, then off to dinner and the Jazz game (they finally won!) with Hugh (thanks dad for watching the Roo), and it all ended with a great family dinner at Hugh's parent's house last night. Not to mention all the calls and messages I received. I felt pretty loved. Thank you everyone!

I can't believe I'm 27! Only three years left of my twenties...I better start living it up now. It is crazy to me that 30 is so close because I can remember quite well when my mom was in her thirties. Here's to another year and all that is may have in store.

When the sun shines...

McCall and I go and put a banner in front of Deron William's sub-divison to send him off. It's no secret that my family is huge jazz fans...and although we know the trade is in the best interest of our team, it is quite sad watching Deron play for someone else. It just doesn't seem fair. **Believe it or not, the banner was Hugh's idea!**

We get our pedicure on so our toes are sandal ready when the sun gets comfortable and decides to stay awhile.

Ruby asked her dad to paint her toes last night. He diverted to aunt Call or mom...Ruby immediately marched off to find Call. I guess I'm just not trusted to paint toes nails well.