Rough Patch.

Tonight I am finally trying to catch-up on my photos from the last couple of months. It has been a crazy month...and although moving into our first home has been exciting, it is taking some time for all of us to find our new "normal". I came across this photo tonight and it broke my heart. Look how sweet Hank looks next to his sister. If I remember correctly, he wanted me to "take a picture, mom!" when I snapped this jammie photo. Poor Hank has had a rough week...we both have. He has been so out of sorts and full of emotional tantrums this week. I've been feeling like I'm failing him as a mom because I don't know how to help him and often find my frustration taking over and turning into my own tantrums towards him. In those moments when he is so worked up, I become so upset with him (which I know only makes matters worse, but just can't help it in the moment) instead of giving him the love he needs. I hate this cycle the two of us have been stuck in this week. But after seeing this sweet picture of my little man, I am resolving to be more patient and loving with Hank. He deserves it and just needs some extra love and attention right now. I think our move has really thrown him for a loop. The first week in our new home he would often tell me, "I want to go home."

I love you, Hank. And hope we can get through this rough patch and you back to your usual happy, spunky self. 

Taylor Swift.

The mob of people waiting to buy shirts!


























Thanks to Hugh and his awesome birthday gift to me, Ruby and I went the Taylor Swift concert together. Both Ruby and I had been looking forward to this since my birthday back in March. In fact, when we told Ruby about it, she marched to her room and picked out her outfit. And every so often she would say, "Meg, I can't wait until June!" (the concert was on June 1st).

Ruby has loved singing along to Taylor since she was just little. More than anything, I was looking forward to sharing this experience with Ruby. We made an evening of it, and headed up early to get some dinner at The Gateway before heading over to the concert. The place was packed with concert goers and tons of little girls all decked out in their red Taylor gear, complete with cowboy boots, and even red feather flapper headbands. Against this backdrop, I had a hard time holding back tears as I looked down at my sweet Ruby in her fancy Easter dress and jean jacket (the outfit she picked) with her Costa Rica purse across her shoulder. She hardly said much as we waited in line at Costa Vida to order our food....she was soaking everything in. I'm not quite sure why I was so overcome with emotion at this point, I guess I felt so lucky to be Ruby's mom and watch her experience something new.

 We missed the opening act so we could buy Ruby her souvenir shirt, which she put on  over her dress once we FINALLY got it. There was no order to the line for t-shirts, and I thought we would never get to the front. But after much patience on Ruby's part we made it to the front and Ruby pulled her money out of her little purse and purchased her shirt.

The concert was great and I was impressed with Taylor's personality and way with the crowd. Ruby was much more reserved than I expected, but was so cute when she would get up and dance and sing-a-long.  The concert was full of costume changes, dancers, lights, and fireworks...a lot for a 4-year-old to take in. Ruby was a little disappointed that Taylor didn't wear more "fancy" dresses, and that we weren't close enough for Taylor to shake our hands. (Ruby loves to play concert and shake her "fans" hands as she performs :). But overall, it was a success and for me, a great night spent with my darling Ruby. Taylor did sing all of Ruby's favorite old songs, Our Song, Love Story, You Belong With Me, and Sparks Fly. We did end up using the ear plugs Hugh sent with us. At home, Ruby was not keen on wearing them, but once she heard how loud it got, she was all about them. She wanted me to wear them too so she didn't feel silly :). I had forgotten how loud concerts get...and even our little babe in the womb was moving and grooving most of the night.

Ruby, I hope you know how much I love you. I had such a fun time sharing this experience with you, and even now as I write this, I'm fighting back tears. I think mostly because you are growing up right before my eyes. I love watching you grow and experience new things, but it also pains my heart a bit to realize you won't be small forever. I hope you always keep your sweet excitement about life and love of being with loved ones. Here's to making many more memories together!

This little Hank of mine.

Hank always has a ball with him. Everyday he hands me his shoes and asks to go outside to play with his "boop" (hoop). He would shoot baskets all day long if I let him. And when he gets done practicing his shots, he puts the ball on the ground, pushes me against the wall, and kicks the ball to me. "Sotter" he says. If I go inside for a second, he whines until I come back out either to watch or pass the ball with him. Although it is April, some mornings our winter coats are still needed.

And although Hank is all boy...this kid loves his blankets and binkie like nobody's business. After some morning errands this is where I found Hank...asleep on the floor after trying to pull his blanket from the crib. For whatever reason, he must have both blankets. 

Last week, Hank was sick all week and after two trips to the pediatrician...we finally found that pesky ear infection delaying his recovery. (I had ear infections all the time as a child...I'm starting to think Hank is following suit.) He had a rough time sleeping and found his way into our bed many a night. Most nights, he kept requesting the "toutch" "show" and "buzz". He just wanted to sleep on the couch and watch a show...specifically Toy Story. This quickly turned into a bad habit which has now been nipped in the bud. It was hard to say no to his cute little face and high pitched requests. 

Hank is also loving Go, Dog, Go! Just like Ruby. (This was one of my favorites as a child as well. My dad still talks about me saying, "It's a dog party!"). Surprisingly, Hank will sit through the entire story. 

I sure love this kid. Tantrums and all. Just the other day I wouldn't give him a treat at the grocery store so he had to run away full force until he found a caution cone to kick. This type of thing happens whenever he gets mad. I find it hard not to laugh. But on the other hand, he melts my heart when I hear his sweet "pease" when he wants a bottle of milk and then says "tay too" after I give it to him. Or watching him sleep so peacefully after a long day of playing hard. I also won't forget the smile that spread across his face when I picked him up from nursery a few Sundays back. He was so glad to see me...and I felt so lucky to be the mom that got to scoop him up and take him home. 

My monkey man, Hank.

Trying to get his beloved blankets and binkie 

"Thanks for retrieving my binkie, Mom. Now, how to get these blankets out?"

...

Our sweet Henry Scott will be 18-months-old on the eleventh. I can hardly believe it! He sure keeps things exciting in our house. We have recently nicknamed him "Stitch" after Disney's Lilo and Stitch. He's sweet, destructive, active, mischievous, and oh so funny. His cuteness and darling grin keep his punishments minimal after his naughty shenanigans...(i.e. throwing his food everywhere, dumping water everywhere, throwing balls at the T.V., taking his plastic bat to the T.V.) He is also getting good at saying sorry to his sis. When told to say sorry, he gives a hug and kiss. Just the other day, I told Ruby to say sorry to Hank, and without hesitation Hank went to Ruby with a hug and kiss. Pretty cute. 

Hank is really starting to talk these days...some mornings he can be heard jabbering away in his crib, waiting for someone to get him out. 

Hank's vocab:

mama, dada, mine, ball, fooball, NO!, uby (Ruby), neigh (horse), moo (cow), duck, tat (cat), be (blankie/binkie), me (milk), pease (please), ta to (thank you), go (goal).

I had such a nice mom moment this morning. While getting ready for the day, my heart was full listening to Hugh play some "indoor soccer" with the kids. Hank was squealing with delight and repeating "go" after Hugh and Ruby would shout GOAL! I felt very lucky to be a mom...especially Ruby and Hank's. 

I turned around...

...and she's all grown-up!

The other day, I was busy in the kitchen making dinner. Of course Ruby asked what we were having, and was not happy with my response (no big surprise around here...she likes a handful of foods). She then proceeded to tell me she wanted a pb&j sandwich, and that she could make it herself. I said okay, with my back to her while making dinner at the stove. When I turned around, this is what I found...my cute Ruby all grown-up. Making her own food, in the outfit she picked herself...bows and all. 

Where has the time gone? I sure love this Ruby of mine...she really is such a gem!

 Hank's Sunday best...

...doesn't keep him from playing hard.

He's got some mad dunking skills, and this kid loves to kick the ball around...he could do it all. day. long. Let's just say, his dad is proud. 

Strike a pose.

I think she's got it down.

Ruby is becoming quite the ham these days. She has a cute little sense of humor and is very intuitive with her facial expressions and dance moves when she sings. Just tonight she found a stick outside and told Hugh she was an old lady with a walking stick. She then began walking around hunching her back and talking with a feeble voice. Where do kids get this stuff?! I keep thinking about dance and gymnastics for her...but maybe we should scratch that and try theater!

Ruby is such a gem in my life....fitting for her name, right? She keeps me smiling throughout the day with her quick wit and enthusiasm for life. Most mornings she wakes up and asks, "What do you have planned for today, Meg?) (yes, she still calls us Meg and Hugh...with an occasional mom and dad thrown in.) And I am always amazed at how quickly she goes from one pretend game to another. Reminds me of my youth, always living in a pretend world with my sis, Mal. Too bad I'm not as good as I was then at playing pretend...my attention span for these games is not even close to where Ruby would like it. Sometimes I leave the room and end up on the computer, only for Ruby to find me and say, "Did you get distracted, Meg?"

Lately, Ruby gets distracted by crafting. She will cut, paste, glue, color, and paper clip for hours on end. I am constantly finding paper scraps on the floors and supplies strewn in all different spots of the house. As much as the mess drives me crazy, I can't help but smile at her budding imagination. She also loves cooking when I'm cooking. She gets out the bowl and measuring cups she got for Christmas and then rummages through the pantry and fridge for things to use in her creations. She always makes it clear that whatever she is cooking is not for her to consume, but just for the rest of the family. Once again she  makes a big mess in the kitchen, which she usually counters with, "It's okay, cooking is messy, right Meg?" Too bad she doesn't have the same enthusiasm for cleaning up!

I wish I could just bottle 3-and-a-half-year-old Ruby up, and preserve her awesomeness. I often randomly say to her, "Ruby, have I told you that I love you today?" Just the other day when I walked into the room where she was playing on the computer, she turned around and said, "Mom, have I told you that I love you?" Doesn't get much better than that!

Ruby.

{Ruby. August 2011}

How I love you. Even though you know all the right buttons to push to drive your mother CRAZY. But, you are also pretty darn good at being the cutest, brightest, sweetest, three-year-old around (as described by your biased mother :). I can't believe how much you've grown-up in just this past year. Thanks for being my best buddy!

Flashbacks.

Looking through my photos tonight I came across these gems. Ruby is about a month older than Hank here. Hence, the importance of picture taking, even if they just sit on my computer...for the times I sit down and look through old photos and let them transport me back in time. And to remember the details of my life my brain just can't seem to hold on to.

I also love pictures because after a day when Ruby has pushed my every button...even ones I didn't know existed, browsing through my photos warms my heart and reminds me that I'm so lucky she is mine. And all the things she did that day to drive me crazy, quietly go out the window...just in time for a new day to start...with new buttons to be pushed (or the exact same ones as the day before :).

Fall, leaves, and rolling down hills.

I really love autumn. The colors, the smell, and the chilly sunny weather. One evening, the kids and I were outside waiting for Hugh to get home. After walking up the street in hopes of seeing Hugh's car, Ruby and I decided to rake some leaves. Hugh made it home to help and do the hard part of putting the leaves in the trash...and to roll down the "hill" with Ruby (her cousins Nain and Smee taught her how to do this, and she loves it). Moments like these are the snapshots in my life that fill me with joy.

Does she really have to grow-up?

"Stop this train..."

{Hank and I are now Ruby's photo booth buddies since McCall left...we sure do miss her}

"...I can't take the pace it's moving in."

This John Mayer song is stuck in my head....I think mostly because I wish I could freeze time for just awhile. Watching Hank grow, I realize in a blink of an eye he will be running around this place just like his big sis...and by then, who knows what Ruby will be up to! Both these kiddos looked so sweet tonight...fast asleep in their beds. I feel like the luckiest girl in the whole world that they are mine. Time goes so fast. A good reminder to stop and enjoy each day and each moment. I tend to always be in a rush and looking forward to the next thing. Not a good habit when you have kids growing up at lightening speed. I sure do love these two. Can someone stop this train?

At one month...

Hank is growing like a weed and continues to steal our hearts.

He's been flashing us the cutest little gas grins...I could just eat him up!

And his big sis, well...she continues to steal most of the attention around here! And she is proving to be quite the doting older sister. We are loving her fun, quirky personality...I want to eat her up too!

Being a mother is great. Exhausting, but great.

P.S. Ruby had her first dance class today. I couldn't have been more proud watching her try so hard to plie in first position. I love watching her experience and learn new things...especially things I enjoyed as a kid.

Babies and Growing-Up.

I remember taking these pictures of Ruby every month until she reached a year. It is hard to believe that now, she totes monkey around and most currently dresses monkey (and all her other dolls and animals) in babe #3's clothes. And everyone, including herself, must get into pajama's just for naptime!

Looking back at Ruby's baby pictures tonight, I can hardly believe how grown-up she is getting. It is exciting and heart wrenching all at the same time. Ruby and I spent the night at my mom's and she had us all laughing and smiling most of the evening. She is a funny little girl. Very articulate and particular about how things should be done. But she is quick to say "thank you" if you give her a compliment or do something nice for her. Lately, she is also good at making "deals" and just today learned about formulating different "options". Like tonight, when she was coming up with a plan to get someone to go outside with her and after informing me of her plan she asked, "is that a good option, mom?" Ruby also likes all things pretty and quickly let me know tonight that my shoes weren't pretty (only pink, girlie stuff warrants prettiness). She also thinks using "cute" as a compliment is strictly reserved for babies. I told her I thought Troy Bolton was cute and she quickly corrected me that "he's not a baby, mom". I took Ruby to my non-stress test appointment the other day and her sweet curiosity made me proud to be her mom. She even brought her toy doctor bag to the appointment and when the nurse was getting me settled, Ruby whispered to me, "here's my doctor stuff, give it to her so she can use it". I had been nervous about bringing her along, but as we sat there together, listening to our sweet babe's little heartbeat, I was glad to share such a special moment with Ruby. She is my little buddy. And she is going to be a great big sister.

Ruby's baby pictures also have me thinking about the sweet little babe that will be joining our family in a month (or so). I'm getting exciting to meet this babe of ours and have the joy in our home that a newborn brings. I can hardly believe it is getting so close. Naturally, I have been stressing a bit about the labor and delivery...and praying that all will go well in getting this baby here. I've been reading some books and Hugh and I have been practicing our "techniques" for the labor...that's what Hugh calls them, anyway...pretty funny! Hugh is great. When I asked him if he had any intuitions about the gender of this babe...he simply replied in true Hugh fashion, "No. I just know it is ours." And that was the end of that. Tonight, at my mom's, I started working on the baby blanket I'm making for babe #3. The very blanket I will take this babe's monthly pictures on. I can't wait. And I'm sure, before we all know it, I will be babbling on and on how he/she is growing-up right before my eyes. Oh! I can't wait to meet this babe!

March 14, 2010. We said goodbye to our little Hughie.

I miss Hughie everyday. I think about that last evening, alone with him and Hugh often....and yet, haven’t been able to write about this sacred experience. I do remember holding Hughie in my arms for as long as I wanted. He felt so good in my arms and I wanted time to stand still so I could stay in that moment forever. I also remember the moment Hugh and I looked at one another, both of us knowing, it was time to let go. Hugh and I sang some hymns as we spent our last hours with Hughie. I remember looking out the hospital window at the fast approaching evening sky....feeling a sense of peace with Hughie in my arms and Hugh’s arm around me. I received confirmation that night that we are indeed an eternal family. “Abide with Me; ‘Tis Eventide” was one of the songs we sang, and when I reflect on that Sunday evening in March, the words to this song describe perfectly, better than I could ever author, how I felt that evening...preparing to say goodbye.

Abide with me; ‘tis eventide. The day is past and gone;

The Shadows of the evening fall; The night is coming on.

Within my heart a welcome guest, Within my home abide.

Abide with me; ‘tis eventide. Thy walk today with me

Has made my heart within me burn, As I communed with thee.

Thy ernest words have filled my soul, And kept me near thy side

Abide with me; ‘tis eventide, And lone will be the night

If I cannot commune with thee, Nor find in thee my light.

The darkness of the world, I fear, Would in my home abide.

O Savior, stay this night with me; behold, ‘tis eventide.
O savior, stay this night with me; Behold, ‘tis eventide.

I am forever indebted to my sweet Hughie for bringing me closer to the Savior. For helping me better understand what the Plan of Salvation means for me and my family. Without the Savior, the tides of life are too much to take on. Hughie is alive. He is alive in my memories of him, alive in our family’s daily prayers and conversation, and he is “alive in Christ”....just as we all are.

“For, for this end was the law given; wherefore the law hath become dead unto us, and we are made alive in Christ because of our faith...” 2 Nephi 25:25

“For behold that all little children are alive in Christ...” Moroni 8:22

(I wrote this for the VW Sometimes last year. It's a family newsletter the Van Wagenen family puts together; sporadically, hence the name.)

Buddies.

Ruby is my buddy. And as you can see in this picture...she has three buddies of her own. She sleeps with her two monkeys (well, one she inherited from her baby brother) and her baby. I snapped this pic after she had fallen asleep one night. (Side note: there are plenty of nights where these three buddies don't suffice and Ruby wanders in to find her best bud...mom:)

Back to Ruby being my best buddy. As I left for work on Wednesday night Ruby came up to me and said, "Mom I have a secret for you..." I leaned in close and she put her mouth close to my ear and whispered, "I love you." She then proceeded to run away. (In the past I have done the same thing to Ruby...told her a secret that I love her. Everything sticks in that little brain of hers).

The other day Ruby was napping so I turned The Food Network on to watch "Giada at Home" while starting dinner. Ruby came up after her nap, looked at the TV and casually said, "What's Giada making, Mom?" I didn't think I watched The Food Network that often! (although it is the one thing I enjoy watching on TV other than the Jazz.)

I had work again tonight. After a quick family meal when Hugh walked in the door from school, I had to head out. Ruby walked me to the door, looked outside, and said, "It's dark, mom...be careful." She's already looking out for her mama :)

Ruby will always be my buddy, but I know the days when she is a step behind me all day will not always be. She is already telling me on a daily basis she is going to preschool (she spends a morning a week with her cousin Smee who often has to get ready to go to preschool) and that she wants to bring her lunch box with her. Let's not rush this growing up stuff little miss Ruby. And let's be buddies forever.

Last year at this time...

{Ruby playing at the park. Feb 2010}

I'm just taking a trip down memory lane and I can hardly believe how fast kids grow in a year. Last year at this time Ruby was still learning to walk and now, as I write this she is chatting to me in the background. She just informed me she can't eat her sucker on the couch...she doesn't want to spill. Funny girl. Why is she eating a dum dum at 9 in the morning you might ask...well she has somehow convinced me that if she sleeps in her bed all night, she get a dum dum in the morning. What can I say, I'm a sucker.

I wish it was warm enough this February for some park outings.

Another year over...and wiser too?

{A Christmas Card reject...great smiles, poor posture}

Can't believe 2010 has come and gone. I'm not totally ready to say goodbye...I feel like I am, in some ways, still trying to pick of the pieces of 2010 and pull myself together. I also don't like time moving farther away from when Hughie was here. I can't believe that in February, Hughie would be a year old! 2010 will always be the year of Hugh William for our family, but as I looked back at lasts year's posts the other day, I realized that 2010 also brought some other great moments too. We grew, a lot, as a little family and I like to think we have a better understanding of who we are and what we are doing here on earth. We also enjoyed some great time together...especially this summer when Hugh got to be home before starting his graduate degree (that severance package was a little pick-me-up after such a rough start to 2010). Ruby has grown so much, too, and keeps us smiling. She spends all her time chatting, singing, dancing, and playing these days. Sometimes I feel she acts older than a two-year-old. We were reminded this past year how wonderful our families and friends are. We feel blessed to have such great support systems around us when life is really tough...and when life is really good.

What will 2011 have in store....some GOOD and some bad, I'm sure...along with some more growing (pains). I don't have many new year resolutions, yet (remember I'm still trying to pick of the pieces of 2010 :). But as a family, we do have one....but I'll save that for another time.

Bring on 2011!

This Summer's a Thief...

Before I could barely blink, time has disappeared and little Miss Ruby has left her baby days behind and has decided to become a kid. How and when did this happen?

Ruby has become a little hiker, and actually does quite well walking on her own much of the time. She LOVES rocks...especially stepping on the big ones and putting little ones in her pockets.

Ruby is VERY good at applying make-up before we go out for the day. I'm trying to emphasize that less is more...we're working on it. (*she put my mascara on one day while I was at work...Hugh said he suddenly realized it was really quiet and found her hard at work in the bathroom.) Seriously, though, Ruby is teaching me that she is ALWAYS watching...and is quick to mimic what she sees!

Ruby is obsessed with putting on these shoes that were her cousin Astrid's. And not only does she like putting them on herself...she often insists that these are the shoes she wears. "I wan Asis shoes" she says in her cute little voice. I'm impressed that she has become quite good at putting them on by herself...it helps if she sticks her tongue out while doing it (much the same as her dad does while playing soccer).

Ruby is also sleeping in her very own big girl bed! She loves it...especially because she can get out of it and crawl into our bed early in the morning. I love seeing her little bald head, through my groggy morning eyes, waiting to be scooped up and plopped in-between Hugh and I. She doesn't miss her crib one bit, but I do...because it really means Ruby is not a baby anymore. (She does still enjoy a nice bottle of milk...maybe I should tell her big kids don't drink out of bottles?)

All this is giving me growing pains. I thought I was done growing?