Last Friday I had my third treatment. Before each treatment I have a bit of anxiety about having to do it again. The week leading up to the treatment I start feeling good and more like myself, which makes it hard to think about feeling crummy again. On the other hand, I am grateful to have a week in-between treatments where I feel good. The week after a treatment I feel tired, nauseous, achy, and restless. When I start feeling better it feel like a fog lifts from around me and I remember what it feels like to be Meg again, with just a bit of residual fatigue.
This past treatment my port was not drawing back blood, which worried me. We were able to still do the meds through the line and draw my blood from a peripheral poke. We are hoping that next week my line will draw blood. This kind of stuff stressed me out, and probably where being a nurse isn't always helpful. I am finding I can be quick to think of worse case scenarios and tend to over worry about details beyond my control. My experience thus far has also increased my appreciation for medical professionals and the good work they do. It has made me more aware of my own role as a bedside RN and the care I put into my work. I have missed being at work these past few months and I look forward to getting back to work once my treatments are finished.
This week, my dear friend Anjuli came with me to my treatment. It was so nice to have her with me, especially because we had two hours to just chat. It has been a long time since we've had that much undivided time together. We usually have little kids around to keep us distracted from good conversation. I continue to be overwhelmed by all the outpouring of love and support my family and I have received. The past few months have been quite difficult as I've processed my diagnosis and now, actually starting the treatments. But the love I have felt from so many people has lifted my spirits and the burden of my cancer has been lightened. I often feel the champion of this experience is the goodness of others and those around me. I've been touched by people reaching out whom I haven't seen or spoken with in years. I hope to be better at reaching out to others in time of need.
This past week also reminded me how lucky I am to be a part of the Van Wagenen family. My brother and sister-in-laws all shaved their heads in support of me. By Monday of this week, I finally got to the point where it was time to shave my head. Each time I showered so much hair was falling out that it had become quite unpleasant. I had been holding out, hoping that maybe my hair wouldn't fall out. But it was time. I talked to my SIL Marissa on Monday and told her I was going to shave my head that night. Marissa and Drew rallied everyone together and we all gathered across the street at Scott and Whitney's house to shave our heads. The head shaven crew: Mike, Kristina, Arthur, Jasmine, Drew, Marissa, Scott, Whitney, and Hugh. Ruby got caught up in the fun and really wanted to shave her head, luckily, I remembered her play coming up and we stopped her before she went through with it. She settled on a cute short haircut to show her support. My brother-in-laws Cory and Will also shaved their heads, along with me niece Zoë. At first I wasn't sure about making a big deal of shaving our heads and doing it together, but in the end it turned something scary into a lot of fun and a night to remember. I felt so much love around me and very grateful for these wonderful people I get to call family. Doing it all together also made it less scary for my kids and they have quickly warmed up to the idea of me having no hair. Every time I pull Betty out of her crib she rubs my head. It hasn't take me too long to get used to my bald head...I actually appreciate the ease of not having to worry about doing my hair.
